11th Apr, 2011

Decisions

You know, few well thought out choices are ever really wrong. Some are just better than others. 

Only in retrospect do we judge.  And who needs to spend time looking back?  Today is already too short, too full, I’ll never get it all done in one day!  And tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Tomorrow. How do you figure out where to go, what to be, what to do when you grow up, and when will that finally happen?

Yes, it’s a big wide world.  I want to taste it all. How will I know if I don’t try? I wish I could take your word for it.  That would have saved much pain throughout the years. 

How many said I couldn’t live here?  Next month begins my tenth year.  I think I’ve proven I can.  And now I’m ready to try somewhere else.

Decisions are not always easy.  Bob has been here, working to not only keep the family ranch up and running, but to make it a better place, and has succeed. That’s got to feel good.  And at the same time, he’s ready.  Ready to try something else.  Finally free.  He struggles to see beyond.  He is catching glimpses.  Some days bright and shiny.  Other days blinding and quite exhausting.  I bet you know what that’s like.

Forrest has big decisions to make.  The future awaits his choosing. School.  College.  Career.  Opportunities.  Obligations.  Expectations.  And dreams.  Dreams yet to be.  Dreams still unborn.  Such wonderful options and opportunities!  How does one decide?  See which door opens widest and sucks you in…

Me, I have nothing to hold me back.  There are no roots.  The ground on which I stand is separate from me.  Still, a severed cord at birthing pours fourth blood.  Change is never without loss, remorse, pain.  When we look back.  Excitement, anticipation, and hope when we look ahead.  Which way do I look today?

I leap and rush to build the net as I fall if need be.  Weave together my own threads to carry me.

Shed my skin and step out unadorned. It’s only cold for a little while.

Responses

My biggest mistake when moving to the mountains was saying deep inside: “I shall stay here forever”. Of course it wasn’t true, and couldn’t be. The mountains are beautiful but harsh, a young person’s playground and a place that relentlessly makes a young body old.

Your metaphors lately have concerned the rushing water. The flow that runs away, powerful but senseless. Maybe it is time for you to follow gravity and roll away to an easier place? But it won’t be a senseless quest, rather a reflection of nature and what is good for you – and your family. Perhaps the visions of water come from an unconscious that is ready for the final migration down from that wild high place that has given you so much and taken its tithe too. It sounds like deep within the inevitability of a move is recognised, and that this has to happen for the season of life is changing. The mountain’s gift is the resillience to conquer whatever life throws at you.

Beautifully said, Julian.
And true…

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